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How Singapore Could Stop A Giant Oil Spill
What if the giant oil spill that's hitting American right now happened to Singapore?

1. Summon the nation's char kway teow hawkers to assemble at the beach and prepare to fry it up.
2. Put out an ad that days, "Free oil!" in the newspapers. Greedy Singaporeans will come and grab everything by the end of the day.
3. Tell all people that if they go for a swim in the sea today, they'll all get moisturised for free.
4. Call the Navy to despatch their special fluid collection vessel, the RSS Tamponius. 
5. Form a line of Ah Lians in the sea - the foundation on their faces will soak it up.
6. Fly all the Bengs out there so that their hair can absorb it all.

The Last Page, by Colin Goh, in 8 Days, May 13, 2010.

Cleaning Up An Oil Spill

A recent oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico saw several attempts to stem the flow, including placing a large dome over the leaking oil well on the ocean floor. Oil spills on the surface of the sea can be managed in various ways.

• Inflatable booms are barriers that extend about 1m below the water surface to intercept and contain the oil slick.
• A belt skimmer uses a conveyor belt made from absorbent fibres to sweep the oil to the top of the belt and into a cargo tank. 
• Sorbents are porous materials used to mop up the leftover oil.
• A free-floating skimmer uses a pump to collect the oil from the sides of a boat.

Other ways to clean up spills at sea

•  Dispersants are chemical compounds that cluster around oil globules and allow them to be carried away by currents. Smaller chunks may disperse and degrade more easily.
• Bioremediation involves covering the affected site with "fertilisers" which contain bateria that feed on oil. They speed up the natural degradation already taking place.
• In-situ burning is done if the slick is thick enough to set alight and when the weather conditions are good. When conducted properly, it significantly reduces the amount of oil on the water.

Some green ideas to clean up the spill

Pet hair and stockings

Pets' locks (as well as humans') can be stuffed inside used pantyhose to create mats and booms that are perfect for soaking up the oil.

Hairy mats and mushrooms

Mats made of hair absorb oil like sponges. Oyster mushrooms placed on the mats grow and absorb the oil. This technique was actually used in the Cosco Busan oil spill of 2007.

Peat moss

The peat is hyper-absorbant. It can be scattered on the spill to absorb the oil. Because it does not absorb water, it can then be simply scooped out, taking the toxic oil with it.

When oil reaches the shore

Manual pickup

Hand tools are used to collect and bag oily materials onshore.

Tar-mat beak-up/removal

Thick asphalt-like coverings of oil are slow to degrade. They are broken into small pieces and then scattered or collected.

Spot washing

Hand-held high-pressure washing toold are used to remove small accumulations of oil.

Vacuum

High-powered vacuum systems are used to remove oily sand, mud and debris.

Tiling/raking

Oil that is under the surface is exposed, which helps in natural degradation or bioremediation.

The Straits Times Saturday, May 22, 2010, Page D10