inertia

"None of us can help the things life has done to us. They are done before you realize it and once they are done, they make you do other things, until at last everything comes between you and what you'd like to be, and you've lost your true self forever."

Long Day's Journey into Night by Eugene O'Neill

quoted in The Grand Weaver by Ravi Zacharias

more activity outside the cave today. finally.

no, i didn't buy spectacles nor jeans. i took more than half a year to get my 1st pair of drumsticks (i thought that's food? lol). choosing the drumset is a science that i shall get to... later... when i've done more fingerwork and after i've saved up more dough.

what took me so long? are you like me? what's stopping you?

shirkers & slackers

grimace & gulp.

i finished the Coelho book. i'm not going to touch another Coelho book.

took a long nap after coming back from drums class. my teacher didn't spare me with PC talk this time.

tried to look for 2nd-hand drum sets on the music forum after dinner. it's hard when i don't know much to begin with.

that's a typical day of activity in my cave on weekends.

dong dong qiang

@colorich

next up in the festive period lineup shall be the lunar new year. it falls on valentine's day. it's customary to buy everything new for the new year, right down to your negligee. so that means more reason to shop! lol. i've stopped following the custom for a long time (right down to my negligee). some shops are already blasting out 咚咚呛music. my friend refused to enter a shop when she heard the noise from outside. lol.

i wasn't lemming for the shoes but tried them on as they went well with the drop-crotch asymmetrical bottoms i was eyeing. i didn't get any clothes nor shoes in the end. just too expensive. the pants fit better than the ones i bought from the same shop sometime back, what a shame. i hope to continue with less wastage in 2010 - sounds like a new year's resolution that can go either way..

asymmetrical pants

^friendly studs. 

if i were in the xperimentos phase again, i'd probably get the wedges. the left pair looks like a pair i got from HK many ions ago, minus the bling. there was a time i'd wear chunky ah lian platform shoes; some were from HK and some bought locally. what's stopping me now? my age and the fact that they're too trendy (and too common.. shh!) :P

BUT. i lied and spoke thru my backside (again). i got me some accessories. i dunno why i lapse into this phase time and again. i just buy and hide them away anyway. i still have those i bought from HK many ions ago. chunky necklaces are trendy again so i should let them see the light of day.

 

^i was mostly attracted to the grey and brass colours.

  

^i'm thinking of clipping the brooch to an elastic headband. too cutesy? it might just sit in my boudoir again, lah. i'm not into bejewelled stuff, never was, but i go weak when i see transparent cubes. heh.

i should keep track of my expenses diligently again. i think i will get myself a set of new drums.

going forward

very yummy lunch cooked by ma. fried instant noodles with minced pork, egg, spinach, wolfberries, garlic. the fried garlic's so fragrant and the sweetness of the wolfberries went really well with the veg and meat.

 

i have resumed drums classes but come next year learning drums may have to take a backseat again. i'm so not looking forward to the Extra Curricular Activity (work) that awaits me for the next 3 months. then there's school. 2010 will be a year of tests for me.

i'm actually not even cramming much into my life, if you knew what my typical day entails. i'm really not good with stress. or maybe i dunno myself that well; i'm really just making excuses for myself? i know i have to step it up sooner or later. school will be tougher as i go into the next academic year. and the work... let's just say i expect the load to weigh heavier. i really wish i could be more positive about the upcoming challenges. it's a mixed bag of emotions.

my ma's house is undergoing the change first. you might've noticed the cardboard boxes piling higher and higher in the background of my recent outfit posts. lol. some are empty ones for packing while the rest are the new kitchen stove and other fixtures, etc. the walls are getting a fresh coat of paint. my bro chose these:

       

^above the dining table.

^living room's lights.

i've been thinking about getting a set of drums. but there're constraints. one of them is space. if i have extra space, my clothes and bags and shoes would usurp it first. the other big constraint or rather constraints are: me, myself and i. my coach suggested last week that i could think about getting graded. i honestly never gave it a thought. i think my roots have grown so deep into that zone that i've simply stopped going for gold. it's really a miracle that i've come so far during these past 2 years. i know how ludicrous that might sound to many people.  i can tell you i'd still be dreamless if not for the courage and hope that can only be drawn from my saviour. on my own, all i did was self-destroy. i agree with my coach that there's no harm in going for that goal. i ought to. i should.  

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

OCD

The unspoken attitude is, "I don't need you. I have the Internet." The Net provides an opportunity to play hide-and-seek, to say and not say, to be truthful and to pretend. There is a lot of communication going on that is futile and trivial.

P. M. Forni
Director of the Civility Initiative
Johns Hopkins University
in The Greatest Generation (of Networkers)
via Albert Mohler

highly debatable issue, there. and i'm not about to start. following this post, i found more related articles today - while surfing the net, of course. talk about irony. see the first comment in Stop Wasting Time. lol. (and thanks to the net, i've inserted at least 3 more links in here)

but seriously, this is a real and constant struggle for me. i'm not even the most wired person in the world. i remember i didn't have my own cellphone until the late 90s. i recall i was the only one w/o one when i attended a reunion with a few ex-schoolmates; i was also the one w/o an university education. then i was SMS'g all the time later, like it's payback time. i was one of those irritating ones who'd be texting as she entered the train, crossed the road, etc. i think it had a little to do with youth and the old me... or maybe it's just a lame excuse. now, i can't really be bothered to check my phone for messages. i never set my phone up for surfing since that'd mean more expenses. i can't say if this will remain since i'm always a late bloomer. who knows, perhaps twittering or tweeting would just die overnight? (nah, i doubt it :P)

then came blogging. given that the trend started in 2002, you can say i'm really bloody late to the party. oh, before blogging, i was quite active on forums. this should be sometime in 2004. i think i didn't even know about the blogosphere until 2005-6. for a long time, i didn't understand the point of blogging. i was being biased, of course. it's primarily like keeping a diary - an electronic diary. i actually tried to blog on LJ some years back. purely private; not a single soul gets to read my entries. i think i did under 5 entries. they're so cryptic they don't make sense any longer. lol.

now that i've joined the bloggers' party, i'm back to being online almost all of my waking hours again. truth be told, i don't relish being addicted to the internet. time and again, i would take it to the Lord to help me wean off this habit. i'd actually feel a sense of pride when i managed to stay offline and not suffer from any withdrawal symptoms. at the heart of it, i fear it's the fact that i don't really have a life offline. i mean, it's true i have few friends and i'm single and that's really about it. i don't exercise, my hobbies are typically watching movies and reading - which you can do online these days. i've picked up drums recently but am now taking a break while i focus on school. take out the school and drums bit and i'm really a very 'free' person. when i did get out, it's usually to catch up with old friends. i do shop but i go thru cycles. life has got to be more than these... 

what is your #1 time waster, if it isn't spending time on the net? do you feel guilty like i do (i first entitled this entry "guilty as a goat can be") and are you doing anything to change things? i'm on FB and twitter but i'm hardly logged on there. i just never caught on and i hope i never ever will (i better not have to take this back!). not that this makes me feel any less guilty about how i spend my time. confession: i should be mugging for my exams already but two days have passed me by and no prizes for guessing how the time was spent.

Today is the wise man's day; tomorrow is the fool's day. The wise man, when he sees what ought to be done, does it today. The foolish man, when he sees what ought to be done, says, 'I will do it tomorrow.' The men who always do today the thing they see ought to be done today make a success for time and eternity. The men and women who put off until tomorrow what ought to be done today make a shipwreck of time and eternity. The Holy Ghost saith, Today. man, in the folly of his heart, says, Tomorrow.

R.A. Torrey

from http://www.thewordteaches.com/QuotesRZ.htm

Very often we love so long and so hard,

asking, “How can it be that they don’t love us back?”

But you have to know,

God is right there behind, asking you the very same question.

these words are in the sign-off of my drums coach's email. it doesn't entirely explain the state of my mind earlier but it certainly rings true.

did you miss it? someone's teaching me to drum. i start tomorrow. it's actually quite a miracle that i got this far. once again, i owe it all to my Lord.