more than enough

When I lose my way,
And I forget my name
Remind me who I am
In the mirror all I see
Is who I don't wanna be
Remind me who I am

In the loneliest places
When I can't remember what grace is

Tell me, once again
Who I am to You, who I am to You
Tell me, lest I forget
Who I am to You, that I belong to You
To You

When my heart is like a stone,
And I'm running far from home
Remind me who I am
When I can't receive Your love
Afraid I'll never be enough
Remind me who I am

If I'm Your beloved, can You help me believe it?

I'm the one You love, I'm the one You love
That will be enough, I'm the one You love

lyrics from:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSIVjjY8Ou8&feature=youtu.be

this song tells my story. i was feeling exactly this way before He took away that something that's been hindering me from loving myself, from loving Him and loving people.  

ironically though, as soon as i got the breakthrough, an old friendship got terminated. i can't say i'm not affected at all, yet somehow i don't feel the torment which would torment me if it happened to me previously. it's not the first time i was given this treatment by the same friend. this time, i'm able to look at it with a new heart, with new eyes. i'm no longer resigned to the notion that i'm truly unlovable and i have to earn someone's favour to enjoy his or her fellowship. imagine the sh:t He goes through having to put up with our sh:t. but He stays put and continues being our loving Abba. we don't have to do one thing more or less to experience His generous grace. if anything, we just run away and avoid Him. and trust Him to woo us back home. 

i hope my friend gets her breakthrough soon. it's the best thing that can happen to anyone.

breakthrough

source: oops, i can't trace back now

i've been liberated ever since i took up a bible study series at Eagles recently. i'd missed one class (for a frivolous reason, might i add), i still don't pick up the bible and study it the way it should be done, but i've certainly been transformed by His love. i can finally receive it and come to accept myself more, just as how He sees me - His child. i can also finally see how i can love Him and others more easily - because He first loved us.

i'm ready to love again! lol.

+++++++

"What you become depends on what He is to you."
Peter Chao
#livinginlightandlove

43 cakes

以馬內利

portrayal

as i went through more pictures for inspiration, i became more lost and unsure about what i want. i was flipping left and right too much too often.

it's akin to the evolution of my style over the years. even now, i struggle to identify the adjectives i'd like being associated with. i'm not exactly a minimalist although i'm definitely one in terms of decorating myself with accessories. it'd be easier for me to tell you what doesn't represent me, e.g. glam is not me, girly is not me. 

so's the case for my taste in decorating house. i can't decide if retro is for me or not. one moment, i like it clean (impractical). in the next heartbeat, i want it cluttered (real). i always told people the 'zen' look is not me -- which, i think, has been proven true. by now i'm getting quite tired of the 'modern' look: white walls, wood flooring, the works. sometimes such a look is called 'japanese', other times it's 'scandinavian'. maybe it should be labelled 'global'. i wonder if new media was the reason for the homogeneous look. just like how everyone's dressing alike these days. even i'm becoming one of them myself.  

how, how, how???

camp

i'll be away most of this week. my first time attending church camp! my ma's going too!

see you soon. 

我要住在感恩街

organiser

credit

so i got myself a new place finally. sometimes i was very excited about it. once in a while i'd still wonder if i'd regret the decision. there was this once i felt myself transported to a place in my mind's eye.. the vision told me it's just the kind of home i really wanted -- and it's very unlike the place i bought. hmm.  

i've been silent about my house-hunting in this space. it's been nothing short of amazing, the experience. it wasn't so clear initially but as i looked back, i felt i couldn't see it any other way. i viewed 12 units in 3 days and i made the decision in a week's. i almost never considered the one that i decided upon eventually. i was actually very put off by its small size and the brain just didn't give it much attention anymore. it was through an old friend (who accompanied me to the viewings on some days) and my SIL who led me back there. i was reminded what i really needed versus what i wanted. then it became crystal clear and making the decision was just so simple and painless. 

i won't be able to move in for a while more cos of the paperwork and approvals. and some more wait time depending on the extent of renovation. i have my ma to thank for this (apart from giving me a hand in the finances). i'm not going to talk about it; it hadn't been easy and i can't guarantee she won't suddenly have some thoughts in her head and then this whole thing goes up in thin air. i'll confess that the bigger issue here is about my decision to let her stay with me. i could say i didn't have a choice. but i did have a choice and i chose it easily. it's not entirely an unconditional and selfless thing to do, if i were dead honest about it. ok, i should stop here. i've left out a whole chunk of details, it just becomes too cryptic from here. 

can someone tell me what's the major difference between tumblr and pinterest? if you noticed, i've pretty much stopped tumblring. don't think i wanna follow the crowd again with pinterest. or there's something more popular now? i'm bringing this up only cos i'd need to start looking for inspiration for the new place, and pinterest seems more organised. i totally suck at home decor i really wish someone would help me make such choices so i don't have to live with my own bad choices. haha.       

lift

"When you honour God, He will honour you."

YYH

计

 

Job 42:2

  I know that you can do all things,

and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

都是祝福

盼

  

just attended an ex-colleague's wedding dinner. as she was thanking her 姑姑 on stage, i started wondering if the scene would play out the same for my niece. would i live to see her marry, to hear her thank me for being part of her life... dare i even dream at all... why not, you ask? i really don't dare to hope much, even though i know in my heart that i have hope in Christ. and i just can't explain why i feel so. why still so little faith and so much fear?

happy 22nd!

the beloved at about 21 months old

原封不动

i

not the most flattering pictures but here they are anyway. if i dared to head outside and be seen in this outfit, it means it's passable. lol. but i was merely going to church. the only fashion rule i applied for such occasions: don't be too sloppy. which basically means no slippers. even now, on dress-down fridays at work, i couldn't make myself wear 'expensive' slippers like birkenstocks. i'd feel so obviously sloppy. many colleagues do that, i don't always approve, but somehow it's just not so obvious on them? it's all in my head. 

wore the jumpsuit with the top down so the bottoms looked like paperback harem pants. if i had broader shoulders and longer legs, i would be richer today, from all the savings on alterations. almost wanted to wear these boots but i think i'd look really cartoon.  

CofC

 the top's reversible. i got it cos it's reminiscent of fashions past. is this outfit (below) sloppy? i can imagine why management would frown on dress-down fridays policies. i don't envy those who have meetings scheduled on fridays. thankfully, i get to wear casual on all fridays except the 1st friday of every month for the next 4 months.

all the talk seemed to have nothing to do with the post title. i'd been at quite a low point... i hadn't been documenting much about it, it's pointless i guess, cos i'd still be in the same place. not sure if it's not as bad as before, if that could be ascertained by looking back on the blog posts. it could just hit me suddenly. i almost never made it to church just now. the haze was rather bad. i didn't have the desire. i was openly defying my Lord. i deserved better. i didn't deserve His grace. i wanted more. i just wanted to stay put.

"Jesus embraces to all who come to Him... He took our shame, our guilt, our unrighteousness... everything was done so you would come...." 

- Vincent Lai


  

我要住在感恩街

rewind

i thought about whether to write today. tomorrow. ever after.

i'd like to be read. do you not?

but i guess i must write. sooner or later.

so i've been to korea and back last month. it'd turned out to be an unexpected delight. although it didn't occur to me sometimes when i wasn't so 'aware'. an example's the food. i was quick to declare that i never loved korean food. it's still a fact... i mean, i prefer japanese to korean anytime. but if i were to be really honest, they don't differ by tooooo much. korea was occupied by japan for a spell. so why am i being such a snob?

korea turned out to be rather scenic. not unlike the wonders i've witnessed in china and countless other spots on the planet, i'm certain. it's all the work of His mighty hands anyway. and it's universal that we must praise when in the presence of awesomeness.

apart from being the accidental tourist, i also got to do things i didn't usually set out to do, like going to a spa and a theme park. my travel companions were thinking of a ski trip the next time they do korea. i said skiing is not on my list of things to do before i die. but i think i should be taking that back. you see, it's cheaper to do it in korea, so it could only be the better option for me. i hope i'd be able to go if they do decide to go sometime in the near future. 

a few other firsts happened during this trip and they had to do with my luggage. i bought a combination padlock for it and it's gone when we reached korea (one of the girls got the same padlock but hers was intact). then the combination lock on my luggage decided to quit on me on the last day. but thank God, nothing was lost. 

i'll be honest with you. i'd like to do korea again for some... shopping! lol. i didn't even buy a single pair of shoes. it's something i always made a point to do when i travelled (but i think hk and china are still the best places to get cheap yet decent shoes). i hafta admit that it's a refreshing change that we didn't get to do much of it. we didn't even have time to drop by the famous dongdaemun market! i'd have liked to have my hair done at sinchon but we're given one hour only. i ended up buying two brollies (one of which is pictured below) and a canvas bag there. i'd like to go back to this store to check out more of their wares. we had more time at myeongdong where i scored a shirt and a dress. my friend got the same dress in a different colour for slightly more at sinchon. yayness. ha ha. 

as for skincare and beauty products, i did haul back some things. if it were a decade ago, i might not have left the shops w/o emptying half my wallet. even though they're significantly cheaper there, they all added up to a substantial sum of money. a week or so after our return, we found out that nature republic seemed to be no more in singapore. my friend ended up buying some lip and nail products here since they're on clearance. lol. me? i was a very good girl.     

ok, i think that's all for now. till i write again! 

c

Don’t fall into the pit of comparison. Comparison just makes us stop in our tracks.  

- Benjamin Edwards

restoration

In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. 

1 Peter 5:10 NLT

"...Jesus had washed me and made me whiter than snow."

Debra Blanarik

Victim to Victorious

我要住在感恩街

third day

The tomb was empty so that our lives can be full.

Michael Tan
Eagle Rendezvous