shoe-perstition

it's decided. i will buang 4 pairs of shoes that should've been buanged long ago. this pair - his gift to me. i had to *make* him buy them for me. it's not me to do such things, even if it's the me of the past. well, he'd bought a very expensive maxmara jacket to woo me, so what's a pair of shoes that cost a mere fraction of the garment, right. i found out later that he was pantang about buying shoes for me. hah. as it turned out, i did run away from him. several times over. but i believe i would've (run away from him) anyway, whether or not he bought me the shoes. i was always running away when things didn't work out. perhaps it's God's will for me to be alone? if i'd gone on to have babies, would i run off with them, or run away from them?