detache mode

i finally made myself get out of the office earlier just so to catch my sil and niece before they check out tomorrow. 语馨 didn't look the same on camera. or rather, she looked different irl. it's a strange feeling to hold her in my arms, to have her close to my breast -- as if she were mine. i wonder how more strange it'd be for the mother. i heard they'd usually wonder the opposite: that such a being was a part of her. 

i know i didn't really grow attached to the unborn child when she's still in her mother's womb. i can't say if it was deliberate. i've always felt i must be weird for not being like many who'd go gaga over babies, born or unborn. i never really wanted to touch my sil's stomach, nor did i ever think to 'talk' to my niece. i chose to use 'want' but it's really not that i had a thing against babies. not at all. throughout this entire time, there's only once or twice when my sil put my hand to her stomach to feel her baby's movement, in her attempt to show me that the child recognised her 姑姑's voice. and no, the rarity was surely not because my sil didn't want me to touch her bump. 

perhaps it was deliberate after all. that i should want to detach myself from these things. perhaps my sil felt that it's a delicate issue for me and so she's mindful about it. am i ever to come to terms with my past and my future according to His will? please set me free from the struggle, Lord.

i like wiw today. but i think i again let the world see my undies. and i had to choose a patterned one. saving grace was the colours're light. i wore 4 layers. the grey frilly vest cost slightly over 500 yen, incl tax, bought in Harajuku. the white dress could be a MJ copy, bought in kuala lumpur for 20 ringgit. the nude outerwear's given me by my dear friend and personal style guru. i think it cost 5 bucks at the local song & song. i thought the vest and outwear were perfect together.

oh and i received compliments about my... (of all things) hair! lol. by the time i took these pictures, the tresses weren't as fluffy as Fawcett's. i swear that's who my colleague said it was. i also swear i didn't do anything different to my hair. if anything, the curls were mostly gone already.